Blessed Stillness

Oh, goodness... it has been far too long. I don't even want to look at the last time I posted.  (And I haven't.) ;) However, it feels good to be able to write again.
Boy! Summer is going by SO FAST!!!!! Actually...

Say again?

Oh. It's over.

Well then.

"..."  

*Insert absurd look of shock here*

*Cringes and covers face*

There's actually really not that much to say. I always fall back from talking about my life because personally, I think it's rather boring, and that is a thing of which I am much ashamed.  (Not that my life is boring, but because my brain is so small and abstract at the moment that I have to audacity to perceive it as boring, which may sound absolutely absurd, but I digress)  Actually no... that might be something worth talking about... Hmm.
  Life is meant to be about finding great purpose, something worthy to live for, and, as a very wise man once said, "You only must decide what to do with the time that is given to you."
Lack of purpose is not without purpose in and of itself.  For to having a seeming lack of purpose only serves to make one either fill that time with useless hobbies, or to bear a patience that could only be borne of stillness.  Appreciation of Stillness seems to be the purpose... and regrettably, I have failed to appreciate that until recently.  Even now, I sense I do not yet appreciate it in the fullest. And it is something I wish for.  Perhaps patience will come with the stillness.

Admittedly, I have not used my time to the best of my ability, and part of the boring-ness comes from a lack of discipline on my pat stemming from an immense lack of self-worth, which, while can be a good thing if pulled in the right direction, has only succeeded in pulling my mind toward distractions that otherwise would not have been distractions had I had my priorities right in the first place.
And if no one can understand that sentence, it's ok, because I'm still trying to work it out myself. This is my sub-conscious half-typing here. (Gee, that's a scary thought).  This is what happens when writing talent is suppressed for a long period of time without effective instruction and application. It becomes subconscious rambling. :D
So, anyways, after graduating earlier this June, I have not, as of yet, found a job, and have instead attempted to apply myself toward working for family/friends- ie, odd jobs around the house, farm ranch, etc. I say "attempted" because work is sparse and sporadic, and I like routine, despite lacking foreknowledge of the subject.  Though Spontaneity is very nice too, just not when it breeds laziness.  Which happens to be another one of my hot brain topics at the moment.  Though I am sure that I do not need to hinder my soul with such a discouraging thought at this time.

After much thought, I have decided that finding a purpose is determined by one's values and adherence to principle. There must be a stronger tie to mortal existence then merely having a set of principles.  Anyone can set principles, but it's following them that turns them into values. The strength of those values decide how far a person is willing to go for the sake of honor and integrity. If honor is not important to someone, then there is no faith . Faith exists because there is something, something, that the person loves, and they choose to honor it and believe in it.  And for faith to become something real, something tangible, there must be an offering made, an altar upon which that sacrifice of personal value is offered in exchange for something greater.  Faith is but words until there is honor. Only with the offering can the Holy Spirit come, and, in turn, honor that person's offering by taking it and offering of Christ's own strength!

And therein is the great discovery!  It is the offering that so many lack; it is the offering that I lack, and it does take courage.  There is fear where there is an offering- for it is a giving of of something that the person values.  But courage is not the absence of fear- only the conviction that what is received by the sacrifice is worthy of the subsequent loss, and the loss itself will be couned worthless in place of the Great Gift!

It is but a whisper, the quietest promise, only glimpsed in an hour of need.

I lack the courage.  The fear is too great.  It is like a fog that clouds the greatness.  It is a principle and Truth I can grasp, and understand, and appreciate and hope for, yet do not truly cherish.  For it is not cherished- how can it be if the courage has not yet appeared?  It has been said that is it easier to stay out of a dark place than to get out.  However, unfortunately, the mind and soul is so weak, that sometimes the only way to stay out forever is to GET IN, realize you are the lowest, weakest creature in the universe and that you can do absolutely nothing on your own, have NO strength you can draw from within you- that is all must be given- and then, and only then can Grace be Sufficient.

That is the Great Hope.  That the dark places will draw me down enough that I can count on nothing I can do to save me. Unfortunately, experience counts where mere knowledge burdens.  There is no replacement. 

Goodness... and words have waxed philosophical.  Habit of spending too much time with lack of proper mental stimulation. Or, the silence of patience has not yet won out. Either way, I am still stuck with less than sufficient activity, but with the promise that Grace will be sufficient in the Stillness.

And what a glorious promise it is!

Would you not agree?


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~KnightRanger :)